I love you because you love you. A different kind of Valentines Day post
I’ve always thought that Valentine’s Day is a bit silly.
It’s not because I don’t love love. In fact, I very much love, love. I’m grateful to have been raised by two parents who still clearly very much love each other after almost 30 years… something I hope to have one day. This year, I watched one of my best friends get married and the other, get engaged all with pure and genuine excitement and happiness (and a lot of tears of joy). I see engagements and weddings on social media on the daily and it always makes me smile. I love seeing those around me happy and in love and wholeheartedly believe that love is something that should always be celebrated. I also believe it is something that will come at the right time for YOU and something that shouldn’t be rushed. So, the fact that I think Valentines day is silly has nothing to do with not wanting, or loving love.
It puts so much pressure on you to have a “special someone” and to be “happy and in love”, or at least make it look like you are on social media.
Why do we need a designated SINGLE day to express our love? Shouldn’t we do that every day?
It tends to make people who are single, either by choice or circumstance, feel inadequate, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
Frankly... I think it’s all so contrived. In our society there’s such an extreme focus on “changing our relationship status on Facebook”, and to be completely honest, it drives me crazy. Why is it that without fail, one of the first questions you’re asked in almost ANY conversation is: “Are you dating anyone!?” Or... if you are dating someone, the question turns to: “Do you think you’re going to marry him/her!?”
Why are our lives and our successes (especially as women) often times measured by outsider factors based off of our relationship status?
Now, let me be clear. These questions, regardless of my relationship status, bother me. I may be single and I may not be. But I assure you... I have more going on in my life that I’m proud of and would want to talk about. Now, that’s not to say that you shouldn’t be proud and excited to talk about your relationships as well… because I really believe that you should be! I hope you’re so in love that you want to shout it from the rooftops! I just also hope that you learn a little about who I am and what I believe before you make a quick judgement about who I am based off of my relationship status. Ask me about my career, my travels, my family, my home... I mean, jeez!! Ask me about my dog before you ask if I’m dating anyone and judge me based off my answer. Yes, I’m 27 (as far as I’m concerned I’m still a baby). Yes, I’m single. No, I don’t want to be set up with your son, your nephew, your son’s friend, and I definitely don’t want to meet the single friend you have who’s 15 years too old for me but has a lot of money and a plane... EW. Thanks but no thanks!! .... And I know you didn’t ask but, YES! I’m happy, I have a successful career and I love my life. Now, enjoy the rest of your day (walks off into the sunset). That’s how these conversations go in my head. (I’m cracking up re-reading that but I think you get what I’m saying….)
The love that is most important is too often skimmed over. That’s the love we have with ourselves. Growing up is a journey, and I really believe that a large part of that journey is discovering who we are and falling in love with that person BEFORE we can truly fall in love with someone else. And you know what, there’s no rush, not even a little bit. It’s ok to take your time figuring out who you are, what you want, what’s important to you... it’s ok to take time to find the career that’s right for you, build that career, make mistakes... it’s ok to invest real time in the relationship with yourself and invest real time to build meaningful friendships that will last a lifetime. I guarantee that once you build the person that you are proud of, and once you find true happiness and love as an individual, THAT is when you’ll really be able to open your heart to someone else and change your figurative Facebook status to “in a relationship.”
There isn’t a set timeline. This is going to happen for each of us at the time that is right. I don’t care if it takes you twice the time or half the time of the person sitting next to you… I just hope you’ll take whatever time it is that you specifically need.
So starting today, Valentine’s Day, whether you are single, married or anywhere in between... I challenge you to celebrate the love you have for yourself. And if that love seems to be lost, I challenge you to take the time to find that love once again - it will come back, don’t worry. Once you have it... celebrate and cherish it every day. Like I said, we don’t need a silly holiday to celebrate our loves. Let’s celebrate it always.
And with that... I wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day. I’m really, so grateful for all of you.
I love you because... YOU LOVE YOU.